Imagine having an argument or a discussion with your friend, and then afterward, you start to feel uncomfortable. You try to remember what was said, but everything is just cloudy. You wonder if you misunderstood, or if maybe you were overreacting.
Part of you remembers how you feel, and the other part keeps doubting it. You doubt your own feelings, memories, and thoughts gradually, so you have no idea what is real anymore.
This is what gaslighting can do. This article is here to help you understand what gaslighting is, how it looks like, how it can affect you, and how to find your way back to yourself.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where an abuser makes the victim question their perceptions, memory, and even sanity. The goal of the abuser is to get control, not just over behaviour but also over identity of the victim.
According to the American Psychological Association Dictionary, gaslighting is “manipulating someone into doubting their own perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events”. It erases a person’s reality and truth by seeping in like a fog, blurring facts, re-writing memories, and eventually separating the victim from their own instincts.
Gaslighting can happen in romantic relationships, workplaces, families, or even in healthcare settings. It is often subtle at first, looking like an innocent denial, a quiet suggestion that can be easily misunderstood.Gradually, it begins to erode your trust in yourself.
How Gaslighting Manipulates the Brain
Gaslighting affect how a person feels and also change how a person thinks as well.
Repeated exposure to manipulation induces chronic stress, which activates the amygdala (the brain’s fear center) and dulls the prefrontal cortex (logical and decision-making centre). This causes a cycle of self-doubt and dependence on the abuser.
A 2024 Journal of Interpersonal Relations study reported that gaslighting leads to long-term disruptions in identity, decision-making, and emotional regulation, especially among young adults in romantic relationships. The effects are thus chemically and psychologically real.
Common Phrases Gaslighters Use
To control your reality, gaslighters often employ repetitive phrases such as:
- “You are being too sensitive.”
- “I never said that, you are making it up.”
- “Everyone else thinks the same way as me except you.”
- “You are overreacting.”
- “You always twist things around.”
Eventually, you may find yourself saying these words to yourself, believing the narrative that your feelings are incorrect and invalid.
Recognising the Signs of Gaslighting
If you are uncertain whether or not you are a victim of gaslighting, consider these common emotional responses:
- Constantly second-guessing yourself
- Apologising even when you have no idea why
- Feeling confused or “foggy” about events
- Hiding parts of your experience from others
- Struggling to make simple decisions
- Feeling like “something is wrong,” but not being able to name it
Emotional Consequences: What Gaslighting Does to the Self
Gaslighting can break a person in invisible and subtle ways.
You begin to doubt your own reality. You deny your needs to avoid conflict. You internalise shame for things you did not do.
A study found that when patients feel doctors do not believe them, which is also another form of gaslighting, they start to doubt themselves and their own symptoms. This stops them from getting the help they need and delays their recovery (Source).
Also, according to Medical News Today, gaslighting survivors end up with chronic anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty trusting their memories.
Why Gaslighting Feels So Hard to Escape
Gaslighters move back and forth between brutality and affection. This keeps victims hoping for validation while fearing rejection, a toxic emotional cycle known as trauma bonding.
The PsycheShare article “What is trauma bonding and how can you break free “ explains how victims unconsciously stay attached to harmful partners because the intermittent validation feels like love.
Gaslighting thrives on this pattern. Each apology makes you hope. Each denial makes you question yourself again.
How to Begin Recovering From Gaslighting
Healing starts with clarity. When you name the experience, you begin to dismantle the control.
Here are key steps toward recovery:
- Affirm Your Reality
Keep a journal. Write down conversations, feelings, and facts. Write down what you know to be true. Hearing others validate your experience can reverse the feelings of isolation gaslighting instills. - Seek External Validation Carefully
Speak with someone you trust. Explain your uncertainties and what happened. Hearing others affirm your reality can counter the isolation gaslighting creates. - Practice Grounding Techniques
Use mindfulness and body-based tools to reconnect with your internal signals. Practice skills like deep breathing, running your hands over textured surfaces, or identifying objects in the room. - Limit Contact if Possible
If the gaslighter is still in your life, set firm boundaries. Reduce their access to your emotional world. You do not owe them an explanation. - Get Therapeutic Support
A trauma-informed therapist can help you rebuild identity, trust your emotions again, and break patterns of self-abandonment.
Unlearning Self-Doubt and Rebuilding Self-Worth
Recovery from gaslighting is not just about cutting ties, it is about re-learning how to trust yourself, your thoughts, feelings, and voice again.
The article “How to Handle Relationship Anxiety” offers supportive strategies for rebuilding emotional security and navigating post-trauma vulnerability.
Survivors find themselves stuck in repeating what is familiar but painful patterns. This is called repetition compulsion, an unconscious pull toward what feels emotionally “familiar,” even if it is dangerous.
You Are Not Losing Your Mind
Gaslighting has its unique way of making you feel as if you are crazy, but you are not. You are being manipulated and naming that is the key to regaining control over your mind.
Even in the fog, your mind remembers. Even in confusion, your body knows. The path back to yourself begins by saying: I believe my experience.
Because healing starts the moment you choose to believe yourself again.
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