The Do’s and Don’ts of Opening Up About Your Struggles

Life can sometimes get overwhelming. Whether it is the stress at work, relationship problems, grief, or even an emotional breakdown. But we tend to walk around with smiley faces over heavy hearts. And when someone asks the most common question,

“Are you okay?” We smile and say “Yes, I am fine”

But deep down, holding up these struggles with mouth shut, feels emotionally exhausting. Leaving you feeling like either exploding or just breaking down.

Psychology says, the longer we keep what is really going on inside, the more it builds up and eventually at some point, it overflows, typically not in the manner we intend to do.

So, you go around throwing tantrums at people who do not even deserve it, withdrawing from people, and you tell yourself,

Only if I can find someone who will understand and listen. I will not mind been vulnerable and letting it all out.

Opening up about your struggles is not a weakness as most people often see it. It is a journey towards healing.

In this guide, we will walk you through the do’s and don’ts of talking about your pain so you can feel heard, understood, and emotionally lighter.

The Psychology of Emotional Disclosure

Ever heard “A problem shared is a problem halved.” Turns out, science agrees.

In a landmark study by Dr. Matthew Lieberman and his team at UCLA, it was found that simply verbalising your emotions by talking about what you are going through can be very therapeutic. This can be done by either talking about it with a close individual, a therapist, or simply a friend. This works to activate the parts of the brain that make you relax.

What if you are not ready to talk to anyone

Dr. James Pennebaker’s seminal research on expressive writing revealed that emotional expression can bring a significant physical health and mental benefits. Individuals who wrote about their innermost feelings and thoughts reported lower stress levels, improved immune response, and fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety. American Psychological Association

Mental Health Benefits

• Stress Release: Expressing emotions reduces inner tension.
• Enhanced Self-Awareness:  Expressing feelings leads to reflection, good thinking and clarity.
• Improved Relationships: Open communication fosters trust and empathy among you snd others.

Common Fears That Hold People Back

Many hesitate to share their struggles due to:

• Fear of Been Judged: Scared of being perceived as weak or too emotional.
• Fear of Burdening Others: Worries about imposing one’s problems on friends or family.
• Fear of Vulnerability: Fear that you will appear week in front of others or others will know your weak point.

The Do’s of Opening Up About Your Struggles

1.Endavour to Choose the Right Person

Select a person who is trustworthy, compassionate, and can provide guidance. Make sure the person is someone you have a connection with or can feel comfortable around. Again, the person should be someone you can be vulnerable around and not be perceived as weak.

2. Pick the Right Time and Setting

Ensure privacy and minimal distractions. Select an environment where all of you are relaxed, comfortable and not rushed. If possible, inform the person about your struggles and schedule a day and time for a discussion.

3. Reflect on What You Want to Say First

Prepare your thinking in advance. Know what you want to discuss so as to avoid confusion on both parts. Writing about your feelings and intentions can be an excellent way to sort through them.

4. Use “I” Statements

Communicate your emotions without apportioning blame. For example, say, “I feel emotionally exhausted” and not instead of “You make me feel exhausted”.

5.Be Honest but Gentle

Truthfulness brings about trust. However, be mindful of the listener’s feelings and avoid harsh language. PuddleDancer Press.CNVC+2University of California+2PuddleDancer Press+2

6.Respect the Listener’s Capacity

Check if it is a good time to talk before delving into deep topics. This is considerate and prepares the listener to listen. Do not consider just yourself alone and your emotions.

The Don’ts of Opening Up About Your Struggles

1. Don’t Overshare Prematurely

Look at the level of your relationship before disclosing intimate details. Sharing in stages develops trust in the long term. Do not just disclose everything at a single meeting.

2. Don’t Expect Immediate Solutions

Seek to understand, not necessarily seek advice. Sometimes to be heard is more healing than to receive solutions.

3. Don’t Hold Back or Apologise Excessively

Avoid saying things like, “It’s probably nothing,” or “Sorry for bringing this up.” Your concerns are valid and deserve to be acknowledged. should be affirmed.

4. Don’t Use Aggressive or Blaming Language

Maintain a calm tone and focus on expressing your feelings rather than assigning blame. Blaming people shifts the focus of your pain and can delay healing.

5. Don’t Force Disclosure If You are Not Ready

It is okay to take time. Share at your own pace and comfort level. Healing also takes time.

Psychological Skills That Can Help

1. Emotion Regulation Skills

Mindfulness activities, such as meditation and slow breathing, can be employed to deal with overwhelming emotions and helps you stay in the present moment.

2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Techniques

CBT offers strategies like cognitive restructuring to challenge negative thinking patterns and promote healthier emotional responses. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles+1Verywell Mind+1

3. Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

Developed by Marshall Rosenberg, NVC focuses on empathetic listening and honest speaking to enhance understanding in communication. CNVC+3University of California+3ModelThinkers. Be Smarter. Faster+3

When to Seek Professional Help

In case of persistent sadness, worry, or self-harm thoughts, it is important to seek professional help. Professional help will help you have an individualised plan and support system in place to deal with complicated emotions.

Final Thoughts

Speaking out about your struggles is a brave move towards healing. It does not mean you are weak but rather it shows you care a lot about your mental health. By being open in discussions with honesty, compassion, and awareness, you open the door to intimate relationships and self-healing.