Ever heard someone say, “before you criticise or judge another, walk a mile in their shoes”? The person is obviously talking about Empathy. Empathy is a very crucial life skill and not just a nice trait. It helps children build strong relationships, manage conflict, and grow into kind and emotionally intelligent adults. But it is not something all children are born with. Fortunately, it can be taught. As a parent, guardian or a caregiver, you are the first and most powerful teacher of these children.
Recent studies in developmental psychology and neuroscience confirm that empathy can be nurtured through some parenting strategies. In this article, you will learn how to teach empathy to your children using evidence-based methods that align with how kids naturally learn emotional and social skills.
What Is Empathy and Why Does It Matter?
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It involves both cognitive empathy (understanding another’s perspective) and affective empathy (sharing another’s emotional experience). It is not just about feeling sorry for someone but understanding and sharing the feelings of another. As Alfred Adler rightly said, “Empathy is about seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.”
Research from the Harvard Graduate School of Education and the University of Michigan shows that children who are taught empathy early show:
- Higher levels of emotional intelligence
- Improved academic performance
- Better peer relationships
- Reduced aggression and bullying behaviour
How Then Do You Teach Empathy to Your Child?
1. Model Empathy in Everyday Situations
Children learn by watching you. According to Bandura’s Social Learning Theory, behaviours, especially emotional ones are learned through observation. Therefore, any time you want to teach a skill to a child, it’s important to model it yourself. This way, the child understands what empathy looks like, sounds like, and feels like.
💡 Try the following:
- Use empathetic language in your daily interactions: Example say things like; “It sounds like you had a bad day” after hearing how difficult their days were and not “we all went through it; it is your turn now”
- Show compassion toward others in public, such as helping a struggling neighbour or exercising patience with someone in the market or a shop.
👉 Tip: teach by example by using empathetic parenting techniques
2. Name and Validate Feelings
Teaching your child to identify and talk about emotions builds emotional vocabulary and consciousness, a necessity for empathy. Ask the child to talk openly about emotions rather than dismissing them. For example, your child is scared of an animal or upset about a situation instead of dismissing the child’s feelings, ask the child why he/she is scared or upset by questioning them with such questions like;
- “You look angry. Is that because your toy is not working?”
- “I can see that you are sad because your friend didn’t want to play with you”
- “What is it about that animal that scares you”
This type of approach also helps children learn to empathise and talk with others who are going through difficult times.
Remember to never punish a child for feeling sad or angry. Let them know that they are free to feel any kind of emotions. But their responsibility is to learn how to manage or cope with them in a healthy way through discussion and reflection.
3. Tell Them Stories About Real-World Events That Highlight Empathy
Storytelling either fiction or non-fiction stimulates children’s ability to take a look at things from other perspectives. Use books in their age level where the characters show empathetic behaviours, news or community events to spark empathetic conversations. You could also talk about appropriate conflict resolution from real-life occurrences.
Stories also help to break stereotypes. Such stories explain why these stereotypes are there and how they disadvantage such people. This opens the minds of children not to make hurtful assumptions about people they encounter but to understand where they are coming from thereby creating empathy in them. This creates global empathy, which allows children to care not just about the people they know but also others in the society as a whole.
📰 For instance: “That family lost their home in a fire. What do you think they might be going through? What do you think might help them?”
📖 Book suggestions:
- “Last Stop on Market Street” by Matt de la Peña
- “The Invisible Boy” by Trudy Ludwig
✨Tip: Ask empathy-driven questions while reading, like “How do you think that character feels right now?”
4. Teach Them to Understand the use of “I’m sorry.”
We should not only insist on teaching our children to learn to say “I’m sorry” as a way for them to take responsibility for their actions or feeling bad for someone going through a bad situation. If we do this, children will not fully understand what it means to say the words, since being empathetic does not only mean saying sorry but understanding the reasons behind someone’s pain and action.
We should therefore help children focus on the other person’s feelings and not only on their own.
🏡 Home strategies:
For instance: Say to your child; Kofi, your friend is not feeling so well and has not gone to school for the past two days. Let’s go and check up on him and see if he is okay. This helps children make the connection between the action which is the friend not feeling and not coming to school well and the reaction which translates to the going for a visitation. With this empathy out of action.
5. Praise Kind and Compassionate Behaviour
Positive reinforcement shapes future behaviour. When you notice your child showing empathy, acknowledge it specifically. Make the praise specific and not vague. Let the child know what they are being praised for.
🎯 Use affirmation words like:
- “That was kind of you to share your snack when you noticed your friend did not have one.”
- “I am proud of how you helped your sister when she was upset.”
Final Thoughts: The Long Game of Empathy
Empathy is not taught overnight, but over time with consistent and loving parenting. As a parent, your influence is unmatched. By implementing these science-backed strategies into your everyday life, you are not only raising a child who is kind. You are raising a child who understands, connects, and cares profoundly.
Want to raise an emotionally intelligent child? Start with empathy, it is the foundation for every other soft skill that matters.
Very informative. Thank you