How I Got Over Being the Ugly One

We often hear people say, Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder

But should it be so?

Why should another person decide how beauty should be defined? Shouldn’t the possessor of that beauty be able to define for themselves?

Why should others have power over us and dictate how we should view ourselves?

When the World Decides You are Not Enough

As human beings, we naturally seek validation from others especially in terms of how we look. We seek compliments, reassurance, and that subtle approval from others that makes us to pay more attention to our physical appearance as opposed to who we are. Why We Crave Validation and How to Find It Within – PsycheShare

As a child, I noticed that society has created a universal standard of what beauty should look like. The media for example via television shows or social media influencers and models rate people in completions based on how they look with many celebrities and models clearly showcasing the world what beauty should look like.

It is as if beauty has been reduced to a competition, and only a few can win.

The most painful part of it all is when those around you make you also make you feel like you are not enough.  In all I came to learn that the world, and even our loved one’s shape how we perceive beauty.

So, what happens when the world keeps telling you that you do not measure up? This is my story.

The Pain of Constant Comparison

Comparison they say is the thief of joy.

From Family

As the firstborn child in my family, it seems like I just got a small share of my parents’ beauty, while my younger sister being the last child got it all or at least that’s what people used to say.

Our parents, unconsciously or not, did not help matters too. In one way or another, they made it seem like she was more attractive. Sometimes they would even say it jokingly, right in front of me.

When they bought us dresses, the only complement I got for wearing mine was,

‘It would have looked better on your sister‘ and honestly it actually looks great on her if she were to wear them.

From Outsiders

It did not stop at home.

Strangers would complement her beauty endlessly when we would go out together. They’d point out the features she has which I don’t and asking questions like,

‘Why is your sister hairier than you, are you not from the same parents?‘

‘Why is your sister looking all grown while you look still smallish as an elder sister?‘

To the extent that some people mummer the words,

‘She is not as beautiful as her sister‘ I heard them but pretended I didn’t. What could I possibly say?

Even during adolescence, when self-image is so sensitive, she was the one that boys noticed. I on the other hand, remained unnoticed and unchosen.

I ask myself always ‘did I create myself this way?‘

Withering Confidence and Silent Isolation

All these labelling affected my self-esteem. I could not stand up for myself at any time. I felt as though people who came close to me were doing so out of pity or they had no choice. To me, I never thought that I had any qualities that could really make someone be attracted to me.

So, I never trust anyone closer to me, I could not even imagine having a best friend, love or of any admiration.  

My world became small, quiet, and guarded. It was as though, but what else could I have done than to accept the rejection?

The Turning Point: Finding Beauty in the Unseen

Life really has a way of surprising us indeed.

I met a few friends who saw me beyond the physical, they saw something different in me. They did not focus on my appearance. They were genuinely interested in being my friends despite my defensiveness and trust issues.

At first, I did not believe them. But they did not give up. Their persistence began to collapse the walls I built up around my emotions.

They spoked so highly of my character; my kindness, my hard work and my willingness to be there for others. This made me feel really beautiful and valued for who I am, not for my appearance.

Beauty Is Who You Are, Not How You Look

I finally felt beautiful not because of how I looked, but because of who I am as a person.

I’ve come to appreciate that beauty entails more than what we see in the mirror and stopped comparing myself to others.

I realised something, physical beauty fades, but character and kindness don’t.

I learned to look at myself differently and stopped seeking validation from others and began showering myself with the love and appreciation I had always longed for.

Now I know that beauty is not about conforming to someone else’s definition. It’s about embodying your own truth, your values, your own light.

Let’s Stop Teaching Children That Beauty Lies in the Eyes of Others

We might not be able to change the worlds perception of what they think beauty ought to be, but we can learn to accept ourselves of who we are and also change how we raise the next generation.

Let us raise children to understand that beauty is not something that somebody else can give or take away. Let us teach them that beauty is intrinsic. It’s not in the eyes of a person; it’s in his heart.

Let’s exhibit self-acceptance. Because if we wait for others to tell us that we are beautiful, we risk crumbling at the first disappointing word.

Let’s be the generation that redefines beauty, not as perfect features, but as the courage to be ourselves.

Because in the end, beauty doesn’t lie in the eyes of the beholder, it lies within the one who possesses it.